you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
