I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Everclear isn't food dammit
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
