I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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