im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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