So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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