well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
