Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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