Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
