You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize