So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
