If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
