so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize