I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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