They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
