tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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