Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
