I'm really into asian looking animals
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
