i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Everclear isn't food dammit
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My breath smells like gin and sadness
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
