Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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