i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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