So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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