I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
