I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
