I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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