i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
my liver is dry heaving
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
