I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize