i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Your penis caused this!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
