Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Its guy fieris flavor town of sufferingâ„¢
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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