please come you make the beer taste better
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
