then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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