Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
