Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
