Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
