Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
