wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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