I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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