Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
