Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
