i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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