Whod you bang
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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