The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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