I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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