Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
