the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
