Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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