areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
