his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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