I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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