thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
