I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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