Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
