youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize