Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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