u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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