think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
