Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
