tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
