yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
did i walk over a car last night?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize