You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
