i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
