i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
