i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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