I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I believe in your delicious
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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