We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize