you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
