Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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