the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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