Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
