I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
