so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
