I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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