That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
