Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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