we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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