I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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