Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
