I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
