What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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