Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
