just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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