Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
