You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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