We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
