Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
