the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
