but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
