1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize