Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
