i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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