I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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