Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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