she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
