i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think your dad took our porno
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize