So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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