If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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