I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
