I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize