well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
