when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
