Where did you get a picture of my penis
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
