Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
