Ambien. No doubt about it.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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