..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
